How to plan a memorial service
I have been called upon to conduct quite a few memorial services over the last year; all have been different and very moving. I thought it would be useful to share some information around this type of service as many people are unaware either of their existence or how to go about organising one.
So, what is a memorial service?
It is sometimes called a celebration of life service, wake or funeral reception – it is an event following the cremation or burial of the body and goes by a number of different names depending on your culture, religion or nationality.
A memorial service is a ceremony or gathering where we pay tribute to a loved one who has died.
This ceremony usually happens once the funeral is over. When combined with a direct cremation the memorial service usually takes place once the ashes have been returned to the family.
This service is an opportunity to say goodbye in whatever unique and personal way you or your loved one would like to, and can therefore be organised as such.
It very much depends on what you or your loved one would like to do.
Why hold a memorial service?
A memorial service allows you to say farewell in whichever way you like. There is no tradition to be followed, no ‘right way’ to do it. You can have it after a traditional funeral service, as many people did after Covid when gatherings were restricted, or you can hold it after a direct cremation.
I usually conduct ‘Celebration of life’ services, where the person’s life is remembered with joy and love, these services are in the main a happy, upbeat celebration of life, with moments of reflection and solemnity, although everyone grieves in their own way and the tone can reflect the families’ feelings.
We all grieve in different ways, and we all want to be thought of in different ways, so the upside of a memorial service is that there is no set way of doing it, everyone is bespoke and client centred.
A memorial service gives you and your loved ones the choice to say goodbye in the way you want, where you want and when you want.
When to hold a memorial service?
Memorial services are usually held sometime after the funeral service, which means that families have the freedom to plan something that truly reflects their loved ones personality. It also helps schedule the date around distant relatives and friends who may wish to attend or even partake in the ceremony.
The memorial services I have conducted have usually been within four to six weeks of their loved one’s death, maybe as a way of finding some closure, going through the next stage of their grief journey. The families also usually have friends and family enquiring about a service to remember their loved one/friend and so there is some momentum to set a date.
The weeks the family have in-between mean you can choose the perfect time and venue for a memorial, as well as finding a suitable Celebrant to lead and organise the ceremony with you. One of the key benefits of using the services of a Celebrant on these occasions is that it takes the pressure away from the family to speak on what will no doubt be an emotional day. As a Celebrant I also ‘hold space’ for my families and usually fulfil a facilitator role, advising on music choices, tributes, memory books, seating plans etc. Someone to lean on and take the lead on the day at a difficult time.
This is a lovely review I received recently:
Lauren was warm, professional and empathetic from first meeting to the celebration of life. She took the time to get to know us and our loved one, and worked with us to ensure the day went as smoothly as it could. Thank you Lauren.
Where and how to organise a memorial service
The clients I have worked with over the last year have chosen a variety of venues for their services, from country parks to hotels, a golf club, and a local pub with a spacious private room. This last venue was chosen as my families loved one had walked their dog at the adjacent park for many years, after the service guests were invited to walk their dogs with the family, very moving.
If you find all these decisions overwhelming, please do contact your local Celebrant who will no doubt be an invaluable source of knowledge and wisdom re. venues and guidance as what to include within your service. I belong to The Fellowship of Professional Celebrants, website link below, where you will find a trained, experienced Celebrant to assist.
https://professionalcelebrants.org.uk/find-a-celebrant/
My clients usually have an idea of how they would like to service to run and who will be involved, some have invited close friends, and work colleagues to share memories in an open mic style service, sometimes readings and poems are recited by loved ones and there have nearly all included photo montages on screen or hard copy where guests have been invited to contribute. For me the most rewarding part of the service is when guests stay after the service maybe for refreshments or food, to chat and remember, shared memories can be so healing at a time such as this.
I will leave you with some more feedback from one of my clients:
“From start to finish, Lauren was superb. Kind, sincere, empathetic and authentic. Lauren was professional from start to finish and made herself very much part of proceedings with the family and friends of my Dads. Wonderful celebrant and would whole heartedly recommend x”